Say Love (Lost & Found #2) Page 22

  “I’d made a snide comment about how I’d have nothing to worry about because no one could ever love me, and that I knew that they’d eventually send me back. Then he gave me my first ever glimpse at what a father’s love was supposed to look like when he told me, ‘Whether you choose to believe it or not, you are a part of this family and we love you, Dean. You are the one thing in this home that is irreplaceable.’”

  “A few weeks after my talk with Cameron, I asked them if I could change my name, that I no longer wanted to be Dean Ericsson, Thea Thompson’s unwanted son. When they asked me what I wanted to be called, I asked what they’ve always planned to name their son, and that’s when Caleb Carlisle was born. Over time, I learned to trust them, to open my heart to them,” he concludes his story with a sad smile.

  Unfortunately, I failed to remain as strong. My face—a wet, snotty disaster. My heart—shreds of confetti.

  Turning his head to find me a huge fucking mess, Caleb scoots down the couch to comfort me. This is all backwards, I should be the one to comfort him. “Jesus, Ari, why are you crying?”

  “Why are you not crying? What the hell is wrong with you?” I sob.

  Caleb leans over, taking me with him when reaching for the box of tissues, then he hands it to me. “It’s not so bad anymore. I ended up fine.”

  I shake my head, blotting my eyes when they just keep filling back up. “I’m sorry, but that story makes me so angry for you.”

  “I’m fine,” he chuckles. “In hindsight, I was better off. If all that hadn’t happened, I would’ve never met Cameron and Lucille, then I would’ve never met Aryn, which also means I wouldn’t have met you. All of this taught me to appreciate my real friends, my family. I’m happy with where I’m at in my life, Ari. I refuse to waste my time and energy hating someone for something they did that only ended up working out for me in the long run. Fuck it.”

  The story of his past definitely answers a lot of the questions I had about Caleb. His anger issues, his trust issues, how closed off he is compared to most, and that’s just naming a few. I see why family is so important to him. I see why he values his relationship with my family, which makes things ten times scarier now that I really understand how much he stands to lose.

  But he came here tonight, ready to risk it all for a chance with me.

  If he really is willing to run the risk like he claims… I want that, too—as crazy and idiotic as that sounds.

  “I’m going to go wash my face,” I excuse myself.

  When I return, Caleb is still sitting exactly where I left him. “You okay?”

  “I’m fine.” I clap my hands together, startling him. “I want to do this.”

  This has nothing to do with pity. I don’t pity him, I admire him.

  For me, his story didn’t paint him as weak, it proved his strength.

  I’m going to be brave for Caleb. Fuck everything else. I don’t care.

  “Seriously?”

  “Yep.”

  “No bullshit?”

  “Quit asking me, Caleb. No bullshit,” I reaffirm.

  Caleb gets up and walks over to me, but I hold up a finger. “Wait.”

  “What, you’re backing out already?”

  “No!” I laugh. “I just want us to be as careful as possible about this.”

  “Of course.”

  “I’m not going to lose you, Caleb. We cannot fuck this up.”

  “Completely agree.”

  “We make new rules.”

  “Okay.”

  “We set new ones. Together this time. If we can come to a set of terms that we can both agree on, then it has to reduce the chances of failure. I mean, right? That’s just math.”

  “Right.” He nods. “Rule number one—”

  “Don’t let anything that happens change us.”

  “Rule number two?”

  “Don’t tell Aryn.” This one must remain the same. It’s important to me that this doesn’t damage Caleb’s relationship with my brother.

  “Obviously. Rule number three?”

  “Don’t be a dick,” I half-joke.

  “Rule number four, don’t be a pussy,” he retorts.

  “Rule number five, come running when I need you.”

  “Oh, guaranteed. Vice versa?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  Caleb takes another step toward me, but I wave my hands out again. “Wait!”

  “Jesus, Ari, what is it?”

  “I understand that this arrangement is no committed relationship, but I demand honesty. If there should ever be someone else, I want us to be open with each other about it. Deal?”

  “Oh, wait.” Caleb brings a finger up to his lips. “No.”

  “What?”

  “If we’re doing this, I’m not sharing.”

  “But—”

  “Rule number six, babe, I’m making that one a hard rule. It cannot be amended.”

  “But…” My eyes roll to the side while I consider what he’s negotiating. “That’s a relationship.”

  “A secret one. But, yes, I suppose it is,” he says without flinching.

  “But I thought you didn’t want that sort of commitment?”

  Caleb walks the rest of the way to me, wrapping his hand around my nape. “I owe you a first, don’t I?”

  I grin so wide that my cheeks start to burn. “Really?”

  “Really,” he says with a kiss, but it ends quicker than I’d like. “Pack your bags.”

  “What?”

  “Come stay with me.”

  “But—”

  “No more buts, Ari. Except for yours, out the door and in my car. Let’s go.” Caleb turns me around, bringing his hand down against my ass to send me on my way.

  I drive as quickly as I can, like a man with a death wish, nearly giving Ari about ten different heart attacks in the process, but I managed to get us here in one piece.

  Ari stops in the middle of my living room, awestricken. “You live here?”

  “Yes.” I carry her bags to my room to drop them off.

  “With all your women?”

  “Rule number three: Don’t be a dick!” I shout over my shoulder.

  I set her bags down in my walk-in and rejoin her in the living room. “Do you want something to drink?”

  “No, I’m okay.” Her eyes continue to take everything in. “You have no pictures anywhere.”

  “I’m not a picture guy.”

  “Says the guy dating a model.” Ari giggles uncontrollably when I nip at the skin on her neck. “You better learn to like them, Caleb. I love pictures.”

  “Okay.” I press a kiss against her shoulder. “We’ll start tomorrow. Come with me to the bedroom.”

  “Wait, I don’t get a tour?”

  “After.” I tug her along behind me.

  As soon as we walk through the door, Ari gasps at the size of the room. “Oh, my God, you could fit my room twice in here. No fair!”

  Ari drops herself at the edge of the bed, leans back on her hands and watches me as I undress. “You never gave me a number, you know.”

  “Huh?” I shrug out of my shirt and toss it aside.

  “The night I gave you my number, you were supposed to give me yours. You never gave it to me.”

  I kick off my shoes before stepping out of my pants, and Ari’s gaze falls hungrily down my body as I approach her. Her arms shoot for the sky when I grip the hem of her shirt. With one swift pull to rid her of it, I find that Ari was braless all this time.

  Wrapping an arm around her tiny waist, I drag Ari up the bed with me, laying her gently down against my pillow. “You cheated. Zero is not a number.”

  “Technically, it is.”

  “Not for the topic of discussion, it isn’t.” I reach between us and yank her shorts down, taking her panties off with them.

  “So, you’re not going to tell me?”

  Knowing that it’d be completely unfair if I didn’t, I try to think of the answer, but I honestly don’t know it. I’m fille
d with another emotion still new to me. Shame. “Truth is, I don’t know, Ari. I don’t sit here making lists; I go out there and live my life. But I never felt ashamed about it until now.”

  Guilt seeps and settles in her eyes. “Caleb, I didn’t mean—”

  “There’s only one number you should be concerned about, and I’ll give it to you. The number of women I’ve been with, the ones who truly ever mattered? One. You’re the one woman ever to make me want to be different, to be good, to be better. You’re the one woman I’ve ever let into this bed. You, Ari, will always be the only woman I ever let completely in, because as far as I know, you are the only one I’m ever going to need.” I wait, watching for her reaction, but she’s quiet.

  Bringing her arms around me, Ari rubs her nose against mine before pressing a kiss against my lips. “You’re still my one.” She grins. “Just in case you were wondering.”

  “I better be.” The tone in my response may sound confident, but inside I’m relieved.

  She giggles, wrapping her arms tighter around me. “One is my new favorite number.”

  Using her thumb, she traces a soft line against my mouth, and she smiles when I press a kiss against it. “You’re my favorite everything,” I declare.

  Suddenly in a rush, she asks, “Caleb, where do you keep your condoms?”

  I reach over and pull one from the drawer of my nightstand, and I let out a tortured groan when Ari’s wet mouth touches my ear, taking and teasing my lobe between her teeth. “Ari, fuck…”

  “Hurry.”

  “I’m fucking trying, I can’t focus with you doing that…” I bring the foil to my teeth and rip, and then I roll it on.

  This time, I don’t ask how she wants it. I enter her slowly, and I feel everything. I feel the way her body stretches to fit around me; how tight and warm and perfect she is. I feel her tiny breaths hit my shoulder when she tries to breathe through the pain.

  “It hurts?”

  “A little. It’s okay, I’m fine. Keep going.” Her legs wrap snugly around my waist, pulling me closer, deeper. Then she throws her head back into the pillow, moaning my name in a way that drives me crazy.

  I draw my hips back, then gently rock into her again, and I continue this until the pain leaves her face.

  “Caleb,” she sighs.

  “Yea.”

  “Sit me up.”

  I swing us around, switching places with her without breaking our connection, and Ari practically screams when discovering the difference in this position.

  “You okay?”

  Ari takes my hands and guides them to her hips. “Can you teach me?”

  I lift a hand from her hips and use it to sit myself up, pressing my back against the headboard. Returning it to where it was, I squeeze down against her flesh. “You can try it this way…” I lift her hips from mine, and then lower her back down. Up, down, and repeat. “Or this way…” I push her hips back, and then slowly pull her forward, grinding our bodies together, back and forth. “There are a number of other different ways, but we’ll get to those later. Which way felt better for you?”

  “What’s your favorite?”

  So long as it’s with Ari, they’re all my favorite. I’m barely hanging on now as it is. I just need her to move.

  “You.” I bring my mouth over her nipple, and Ari rolls forward, grinding her hips against mine.

  Bringing her hand to the side of my neck, Ari starts slow, gradually picking up her pace the more she gets the hang of it. I watch, entranced by her beauty, mesmerized by the seductive way she moves her body. I touch, hands greedily exploring over every inch of her, loving the way her tits fit so perfectly in my hands.

  There’s no way in hell I will ever get my fill of her. I’m inside her now, but I already want more, all the time, every day.

  The sound of her shouting my name draws me forward. I sit up, snaking my arm around her waist and my fingers in her hair, bringing her closer. She doesn’t kiss me right away; to torture me, I’m sure.

  “Dammit, Ari, kiss me,” I growl.

  “Say please,” she smiles against my mouth.

  I tug on her hair, forcing a moan from her lips. “Please.”

  The minute her lips touch mine, I lose myself completely. I hug her tighter to me, taking control of her body, forcing her to move at the pace I need.

  “Tell me if I’m hurting you,” I say.

  “No, it feels so good.” She takes me by the shoulders, nails digging into my skin. “I’m close, Caleb.”

  “So am I.”

  “Caleb, I can’t. I think I’m going to scream.”

  “So fucking scream.” I fuck her harder, faster.

  “Caleb…” she whimpers.

  “Let go, Ari.”

  As if her body had been anxiously awaiting the instruction this entire time, Ari comes apart in my arms, screaming out in ecstasy as she rides it out. I bring her down against me three more times before I join her, letting go with her name on my lips.

  Exhausted, I close my eyes and nuzzle her neck, breathing her in.

  There was never a moment in my life where I felt this at peace, never like this.

  I’ve also never been this terrified.

  The higher you climb, the harder you fall. I’d never known happiness to this extent, and that’s only because I’m with her now. I never want to have to find out how miserable I could be if I were ever forced to be without her.

  I won’t lose her. I can’t.

  “You’re all I need, Ari.”

  Ari wraps her arms tightly around me, bringing a hand up to play with my hair. “You’re my one, Caleb.” She presses a kiss against the side of my head.

  Ever since we made it semi-official, seeing her only once a month was obviously no longer good enough for me. I still fly to New York when I have the time, to keep up appearances, but I send Ari a plane ticket to fly to LA every weekend. It’s perfect because we work together, so it doesn’t raise any suspicion with Aryn.

  The rest of the year goes by in a blur, but all the important moments stay with me.

  Valentine’s Day, the following week: Ari lied and said she couldn’t make it out to see me. I was counting on her to come because I actually couldn’t make it to New York that weekend. Needless to say, I was bummed.

  Then, I came home and walked myself right into what can only be described as a page in a lingerie catalogue.

  Ari, a fucking vision in a red lace garter slip. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Mr. Carlisle.”

  “Oh, my God…” I stand with my hand over my mouth. “How did you do all of—?”

  “Bethany.”

  Bethany is getting a fucking raise.

  Without saying anything else, I tackled Ari onto the bed, and I kept her tied to it for the remainder of the night.

  March: Ayli is walking. I missed it, but Ari sent me a video that Aryn was forced to take, because she was a blubbering, shaky mess.

  Ari wrote me out a list with sixty-nine reasons why cigarettes are disgusting. When I asked why there were sixty-nine reasons, she told me that we’d never sixty-nine again if I didn’t drop the habit. I quit smoking that night.

  April: I never cared for Easter… until this year, that is. Why? Ari. Bunny ears. Bowtie. Corset. A dirty game of egg hunt. Done.

  I also turned twenty-seven on the twentieth. Ari stayed for an entire week to celebrate with me in LA.

  May: Ayli’s first birthday. I was, of course, present.

  At the party: Ayli learns something new. She can’t say Caleb yet, so Aryn thought it’d be hilarious to teach her to call me Ca-Ca.

  “Doesn’t that mean shit in Spanish?” I asked him.

  Aryn laughed harder than I’d ever seen—to the point of tears—when Ayli actually picked it up.

  I am now Ca-Ca.

  June: Job offers are pouring in for Ari.

  She got cast for the new Calvin Klein campaign.

  July: Ari and I escaped to Malibu for the fourth.

  Later that mont
h, Ari landed the Lola Cosmetics campaign.

  August: As of the third, it’s been a whole year since Ari and I reunited.

  We took our first ever trip together to Cabo to celebrate.

  For… work, we told Aryn.

  September: Between Ari traveling for work and my having to stay in LA most of the time, it’s getting harder to spend time together. I have assigned an agent I trust, Stella Courtney, to accompany her on those trips in my stead.

  October brings us to the present. We are right back to where it all started for me. It’s the week of Ari’s twenty-first birthday, and she decided to celebrate it in LA this year.

  Things are a little off between us lately. With the stress of her new workload, then to add our mismatching schedules, we are fighting a lot more.

  At one point, we went three whole days without speaking to each other. I hate it so much. I feel like we’re drifting apart. All I can do at this point is fight like hell to keep us above water.

  I’m falling in love with my best friend.

  This is something I should be ecstatic about, yet all that I’m left with is fear.

  A huge part of me feels like he might love me, too, and I don’t blame him for not being able to come right out and tell me, because I’m too chicken-shit to tell him myself. But this is not what I fear.

  I’ve been keeping something from him, something big. This secret will make him mad, there’s no doubt about it. I’m afraid of how far his reaction will push him, and if it’ll push him away from me entirely. I can’t stand the thought of Caleb never forgiving me, or worse, leaving me.

  Lies. You can never tell just one. Paranoid of getting caught for the first, you tell another to cover it up, but by doing this, you only make the problem bigger. Which is what I’ve done. Every time he asks what’s wrong, I’d make a snippy retort. I ended up dodging some of his calls to avoid lying to him directly, but that only created a rift between us.

  I hate lying to him. He can always tell.